Artie, the Strongest Man in the World
From FHwiki
Contents |
Basic facts
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Name: Artie |
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Background
No one is entirely sure what the true story behind Artie, the Strongest Man . . . in the World, is. We don't know where he comes from, or what he wants out of life. We don't know how he got his super-powers: whether he had radioactive fluid spilled on him, was bit by a strange insect, or if he was just born with them. We don't know how old he is, what kind of ice cream he prefers, or even his last name.
What we do know is this: Artie was once the personal superhero for a 10 year old boy named Pete Wrigley in a town called Wellsville. When Pete Wrigley no longer needed him, Artie went away. They didn't know where he was going, or even, really, why he was going. Just that he was there, and then he was gone.
There are a few other things that are known about Artie:
- He is the strongest man in the world. That's not just exaggeration. He lifts buildings. He runs at extraordinary speeds. He can throw newspapers fast enough to ignite them, and has deadly accuracy with a bowling ball. He can see great distances (when he's wearing his glasses), has heat vision, and super-hearing. He is a super-person.
- He is irrisistably drawn to the sound of Funk. He will come when it calls, and he will dance. He has been known to describe himself as being "super-freaky". It's an accurate description.
- He lives in a porta-home. We don't know why; we've never asked him.
- His only known defeat was at the, er, "hands" of the mythic bowling ball, Rolling Thunder. It was a long and noble battle, but he was, ultimately, defeated.
- He has a long standing feud with a swarm of Africanized bees.
- He reacts to the sound of a whammy bar like it's kryptonite.
- Artie is not an alien. He might be a mutant.
Where Canon and Artie go separate ways
Midway through the second season, Artie left the show. Little Pete didn't need him any more after he defeated Paper Cut in a game of rock, paper, scissors, and the International Adult Conspiracy, his sworn enemies, were determined to drive him out. They never said where he was going, or what he might do with the rest of his life.
In my brain, he went to Fandom. Not immediately, of course, he was probably some other kid's personal superhero for awhile before discovering an island plagued by emo, but the end result is the same. He's come to Fandom.
Artie's purpose on the island is to get rid of emo.
In Fandom
Living Arrangements
Artie lives in his porta-home, which greatly resembles a porta-potty, on the beach down by the docks. He is neighbors with GOB Bluth and lives with his best friend, a beetle named Mortimer.
Relationships
Artie does not have, nor will he ever have, any romantic involvements. He is friends with Baldrick, believes Edmund Blackadder to be a close pal, has friendly conversations with Alfred Pennyworth, and generally is polite and friendly with everyone.
Classes
Summer 2006, session 1
- Applied Dadaism: Fun and Games (teacher)
Other
Artie communicates in random italics
Some Artie-isms:
- Pipe = good, nice, beautiful, wonderful
- My little viking = his standard pet name for pretty much any kid he meets, whether they're actually vikings or not
- Boing = a word he really likes, essentially
Artie calls Timothy Desmond "Pete" because the actor chosen to represent Tim played Older Pete in Artie's canon. He calls Dawn Summers "Nona" for similar reasons.
Adventures
Artie was briefly involved in the battle against the snow monsters (link coming soon), but was diverted from the battle when he ate one of the monster's noses, becoming a slave to the monsters along with Charlie Kawalsky. This resulted in the two of them breaking into All and Sundries for clogs.
Artie has been asked to keep an eye on people on several occasions, usually resulting in him bounding about and posing, rather than doing much of anything useful.
Over the summer of 2006, Artie hid in order to practice for his workshop on Dada Hide-and-Seek, and was unable to find himself. He later reappeared, wearing a suit and selling siding. He was eventually returned to his normal, bouncy, super-self when he injured Mortimer, giving the beetle amnesia. (links coming soon)
